The other week I was supposed to be attending a gin tasting evening with some cousins, my sister, my sister-in-law and a dear friend (and I so love knowing that this group of women in my life all love hanging out together!). Sadly I couldn't attend this long anticipated event because of having COVID and I will confess here that I did manage to stay at home and feel sorry for myself and even let my mind go to some dark places as I wallowed in self pity. I imagined them all having so much fun without me, and while I should be celebrating the fact that these women I love are having fun they all deserve to have I was instead imagining how they didn't even miss me and that they didn't need me in their lives. Much as I hate to admit it FOMO was alive and kicking and it took my mind to so places I shouldn't let it go.
I did manage to counteract that slightly by the upside that I was saving myself money by not going but I did miss getting to spend time in the company of these women.
My lovely sister-in-law arrived the other day with a brown paper parcel for me. Turns out she and one of my cousins had bought me a bottle of one of the gins they had sampled and thought I might like to say they had missed having me there. I felt very humbled and some guilt for the way I had been feeling and thinking on the night and ultimately blessed all over again by these women in my life.
Why do we let ourselves get carried away on waves of self pity when things don't go according to plan. Mostly I have been managing to stop this from happening but the strain of being in isolation away from the people I need for support at this challenging time in my life ultimately hit my mental health a bit harder than I care to admit.
I need to sit back at times like these and count my blessings rather than think of all that I don't have. Mostly I do this well and this blog has gone a long way towards helping me do this. However being human makes us all at risk of succumbing to the dark side of things especially when we are feeling low and trapped by circumstance. I will take a big lesson from this and remind myself next time I find my thoughts going there.
I tried the gin on the weekend and it was delicious and the beautiful botanical pictures on the label gave me so much pleasure. I savoured the flavours in my favourite thrift shop crystal tumbler with slices of lemon from my cousins tree. It really brought me so much joy and I enjoyed having a glass as a toast to these lovely ladies in my life and their kindness which means so much. Cheers!
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